Thursday, October 28, 2010

First Love?

Have you heard the saying you never fully get over your first love? I thought it was ridiculous.... That is until i experience it for myself. It didn't end because anything was necessarily wrong. at least in my point of view. He didn't have time and distance played a part.

I was doing pretty good at trying to get over it. Slowly. VERY slowly. Yesterday so many things reminded me of him. I didn't know why because i hadn't thought too hard about it in a good 2 weeks. and then, BOOM. Picture. of him and another girl. all huggy and cuddly. right before i went to bed. for real? Was it that easy for him to get over me? It's been less than a month. He said he loved me. did he really? Was it fake? Was he leading me on? It's not easy on me to get over this because i sincerely cared about him. and still do. And i think in a lot of ways i ALWAYS will. My heart broke all over again when i saw it.

I absolutely loved the feeling i had when things were going good. I've never experienced something so awesome and i never wanted it to go away. But is the feeling worth it when all he's good for now is a lot of heartache? I trusted him -which is a hard thing for me to do with guys because of past experiences. And he knew that. He knew. We talked about it. and it didn't change what happened. I just don't understand why I ever trusted him in the first place. or any guy for that matter when all i do is get hurt by it.
I know i'm only 18, but it was real to me. Boys are so dumb!

Is it really better to love and lost than it is to never have loved at all? I don't know. i'm still trying to figure it out. the way i feel now sucks. But i loved how i felt before.
How do you get over something like this? everyone keeps saying time. but it doesn't seem to be getting much better. :(

Saturday, October 9, 2010

being smart in college is easy....

there are a few things i've noticed that are important to the survival and happiness of a college student. 1-free food. 2- public restrooms are the bom.com. 3-full microwavable meals. 4-free activities. 5-places that don't require a vehicle to get there.

the only time during the week that i ever spend money is on saturday (or friday night at midnight) to buy groceries. it's ridiculous! I hate that i have to spend money on things that won't last. so now, when i see a sign or a flyer, or a half eaten burger in the trash (okay i don't do this.... usually... :P) i take specific note and make sure to attend faithfully. ward activities are great for this. I think that free food is the only way that college kids go to any activity that sounds even remotely boring. If you there was a flyer that said, "come to the read out loud of my biochemistry book while there is opera music playing in the background" party people would go if you throw a "and there will be free food" at it in the flyer. free food=less meals preparing and buying. This is the first rule of college. Eat free food. Even if it tastes nasty. end of story.

public restrooms are no longer a disgust. They are actually quite heavenly. why? because it's less toilet paper that i have to buy for my apartment. do you realize how much toilet paper is consumed in an apartment of 5 girls??? I think tree huggers should be less worried about global warming and should start limiting the squares per day people can use. it would kill less trees in the end. Bare minimum of toilet paper per visit to the bathroom while at home is the rule. and maybe grab a handful of TP on your way out of the bathrooms on campus and save it for a home visit.

preparing good and healthy meals takes like 5 times longer to make than an 88 cent tv dinner. i know they are pasty things that are high in sodium and practically give you 8 diseases upon eating them but how am i supposed to party, socialize, watch movies, explore, or go on adventures... i mean do homework, study, and call home if i'm always cooking? yeah i'm not sure either. i'll have to invent a better way of cooking healthy yummy things. it'll make me a millionaire.

money doesn't grow on trees when your in college either. you don't realize how rich you are at a minimum wage job, living at home, eating your food provided by your parents, using their toilet paper until you don't have any job and are providing for yourself. This makes doing fun things difficult. there is no such thing as going to the movies anymore. i couldn't tell you what is playing at the theatre or the 3 dollar theatre, or even the one dollar theatre. if an activity says free and even has the title of "poetry and a beverage" (which i went to tonight cause it was free... i kid you not!) you go! because it gives you something to do besides tape hot guys up on your "hot guy wall" or draw for your dumb art classes.

not having a car is like being a pioneer without a handcart. i don't even know what's around the other side of town (anywhere beyond a 5 blocks radius of campus) because i sure as heck am not riding a bike around all these hills! the institute has this great thing called if there's an institute even off campus there are people that will shuttle you to and fro! other than that, activities on campus or extremely close are what i'm limited to. i like events on campus because of this.... and of course the bathrooms too. :D

it's amazing how much you learn to live without at college. things you've been used to growing up that you thought you could never live without are now a delicacy like chocolate, and icecream, and soft toilet paper, and having a car to get places. :D
anyways, it's really late... or early.... night ya'll!

Sunday, October 3, 2010

this one time.....

so in college i have a lot of "this one time" i...... you fill in the blank (cause i probably have done it).
college is full of doing things that are weird events....or random things.....or even dumb things....or just plain firsts.
in honor of this i will now blog about a few.....

so this one time.... betsy and i went grocery shopping at 11:30 at night. and we also had to walk across a wood plank that could have easily broken under our weight sailing us into the dreaded canal. (which was probably only 4-4.25 inches deep) i'm not kidding you! This is NOT a joke. We could have walked around the canal, but it would have taken at least 3 minutes longer to do. And when you are carrying groceries (including a gigantic gallon of COLD milk) 3 minutes seems like half an eternity. but luckily we have really good balance and didn't fall into the nasty slimy canal.

also
this one time..... we didn't fall through the ceiling while trying to get into the attic.... 'nuff said.

this one time..... we beat the socks off of BYU!!!!!! (which is a first in 17 years!!!!!) and we rushed the field and partied like it was 1999. (by going grocery shopping cause no one showed up to the after game party... which i still don't understand why)

this one time...... i made a birthday cake in the shape of lips. why you may ask? i'll answer with a question to you- WHY NOT?!

also this one time i FINALLY got to go home for conference! And i found several things- 1 that Quinton has seriously grown up! like he's gotten at least 2 inches taller and his shoulders are getting so dang broad! gee whiz it's weird how much he's changed in only 5 or so weeks. 2- mom's still a fantastic cook. i enjoyed really good home-cooked meals that probably made me gain back 2 of the 10 ish pounds i've lost since starting school. But it was worth it. And i even ate veggies (which are a non existent thing in most of my meals. 3-that i sincerely missed being at home and laughing at old memories until my sides hurt, playing BS with the fam, my grumpy dog, shopping with my sisters, and just my house. (even though my room has emilie's stamp on it now. :(

this one time i did what i know to be the right thing. and it was absolutely ridiculously hard. And i cried and probably had swollen, blud-shot eyes for 2 days straight. I think if i would have known how hard it would be before i did it, i wouldn't have done it. So it's good i didn't know because i got the reassurance that i needed during Lawrence's conference talk. But it doesn't make it any easier.... well, at least not that much easier.

this one time i made some mean jumbalaya!! and everyone thought it tasted good. :D cause it did. And i savored it (actually it was gone in like 5 minutes) but still...

these one times i had the weirdest conversations abut things that i never ever needed to know.

anyways, that's some of college. I really enjoy my sleep, TV dinners, conversations with people from home, and have learned even more about trusting the spirit and relying on prayer and knowing even more that the gospel is true and that missions are of utmost importance especially to young men.

it's now past my bed time (okay it's actually before i usually go to bed, but it would be a good thing to get to bed before midnight occasionally right?...)

Thursday, September 23, 2010

but.... Loving Logan too

so i talked about everything i miss about Orem yesterday and decided that i should talk about what i love here as to feel happy again. so here goes

my roommates:
Betsy- she listens to my worries and stresses. her sarcasm that can make anyone laugh. she's a peacemaker and she made me a burrito this one time too!
Melissa- her mad cooking skills (if i gain the freshmen fifteen it's all her fault!) how she looks cute and doesn't even have to try! her DVD collection that makes me watch movies when i should be doing other things, and her stories, and demonstration with anna that one night. ;)
Ashley- her super loving personality! her cute giggle, how she's going to get married this year and how we have to find a guy for her first.... the good friend that she is.
Anna- knowing that when the doorbell rings, it's a guy for her. how she spits liquid out of her math every time she laughs and drinks, her snort, her "weird moods", and her kissing tips and stories.

The Merril-Cazier Library- the quiet corners with TONS of natural light to study in. and the attractive boy who i don't know that is sitting across from me. :D

Scotsman Dogs-a piece of heaven wrapped up in a bun!
Blue Mint icecream!

the trees lining the streets everywhere in logan

logan canyon!- where you can see the milky way

Angie's kitchen sink- tons of icecream!

the Quad- the grassy fields

the mountains- they remind me of home.

Lauren Hillman- I love having a couple of my best high school friends up here. she always texts me when i am having a hard time and doesn't even know it. what a life saver she is!

Carrie Baker- the cutest personality! Dang smart. I love having hanging out with her!

the tsc international lounge- there is always something going on there.

INSTITUTE!- i love it! it's almost as good as the temple. it's weird having married people in my class but other than that it is fantastic! i love going.

my drawing teacher- she is so flighty it's hilarious.

my 2D design teacher- he brings us doughnuts on critique day! (which was today)
the picture i drew in this class!!

Being able to call home and talk.

that there are RM's all over the place that are worthy priesthood holders and will give you a blessing at the drop of a hat.

that one time when we didn't fall through the ceiling..... and then needed a hammer cause a shoe wouldn't work...... but it's fine. It was really just a flying raccoon....

our quote wall!!! and the hilarious quotes that are on it.

the aggie shuttles- how i can take them instead of walking up the hill to class.

there's a lot to miss from home, but there's a lot of stuff to love. :D

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Homesick-The state of missing my Orem

Leaving home, i never thought would be as hard as it is. I was excited to live on my own and make new friends, live in a new city, go to college, and have (what everyone is telling me is) the time of my life. Don't get me wrong, i really do like it here, i just am missing everything Orem.

Dad- the ability to talk to him, the best shoulder to cry on, his peanut M&M's, his laugh that makes him bounce, his inability to say the word aluminum. I love you dad

Mom- her advice that i wouldn't always listen to, her yummy food, her care, her stories, her funny sneezes (hesh) i love you mom

Ash- her boy advice, our laughs, our movie quotes, our adventures, our photoshoots, teasing her about getting married, what she always says when i tease her about it. I love you ashleigh

Q- his youtube videos, his strange voices, how he says goodbye, his jokes, his ability to make me laugh even when i am mad at him, his sporting events, his annoying friends. I love you Quinton

E- her wanting advice, her love of romance novels, her asking me to take her places, our bachelorette watching parties, her willingness to take all my junk (:P) I love you Emilie

Kandi- her kisses, her protection, holding her, how easy it is to tick her off, all the nick names we have given her. love you chubbs!

Brayden- the face he makes that makes me laugh, our talks, our random list of activities and the inability to do most of them, his computer skills, his family too. love you Brayden

Sara- her random outbursts of songs from chess, her English editing skills, calling her Papa Anne, her fashion tips, and her sarcastic personallity. I love you Papa Anne

Orem High- the stained ceiling tiles, my ghetto locker, Miss Tuttle, Mr. Downs, Yearbook class, learning days, peter the pickle, the beloved lunch room table, sluffing class to go to the zoo or the movies or to lunch or wherever, being able to miss class and still survive, the old building that i'll never see again, all my friends and most of my acquaintances there. I love you Orem High

home cooked meals- not having things from a box, not cooking it myself, coming home to the smell of a great dinner, the ability to make something at want.

my own room- my orange wall and closet, the pictures from my wall, my bed, being able to leave stuff out, privacy. I love you room!

having a vehicle to use- being able to drive and not have to take the bus, being able to go places further than campus, visiting places. I love you van!

having a job- I complained about my job. It really wasn't that enjoyable most of the time. But now i can't find a job and the money that isn't coming in anymore is so scary! I understand the reason why college kids eat top ramen all the time!

Friday, August 6, 2010

day four- coulee to seattle

So we went and ate at the R&A Cafe for breakfast in coulee dam. i was there ALL the time in grade school! Karah's (my BFFFFFF from gradeschool) parent's owns it and we would go and sit in the big freezer in the summer time to cool down. I miss those carefree days. Food is excellente though.

and then we left coulee and headed to seattle. we got to bellevue and went to the seattle temple there. it was really pretty too!

We checked into our hotel room

see.... we DID pack light!

and then we went to the boardwalk in downtown seattle!! o my heck i love seattle. we played owl city's hello seattle as soon as we saw the city. and we went to several places downtown like pioneer square where a guy tried to hit on us. (what the heck? seriously, do we really look like that the kind of girls?) and even to the local radio shack because Jane died on us. (the GPS)

after this we went to alki beach!! it was so so sosososo! cool!
seriously! i love the ocean!

we also saw a lighthouse there too!

and then we went to bed.

funny quotes of the day:
"Alright, this is going to be epic!!! get ready.... PEANUT BUTTER!!!!" -sara (the longest bridge ever!)
"O look! there's people making out! do you think we could find someone to make out with us?" -sara "Yeah, probably."-Lauren
"it looks like we're going to africa for 8 weeks!"-Me
"ROSALINDA! do you have a younger son?!"-Lauren (ha ha!!!)
"you have a hair hanging out of your sandwhich..."-Betsy "no i don't...(holds up to light)..... EWWWW i do! it's white!"-Lauren "It's probably sara's"-Betsy
"do we know our tequilla?"-Sara "NO! we should go and take that class!" -betsy
"okay, i'll make a deal with you. i'll feed you if you don't lick my hand"-Lauren to betsy

Day threeee- just coulee dam

july fourth was a good good day. :D

us painting our nails for church
I got to go to church at my old building. the building that i was baptised in, the building where i first started gaining my testimony, the building i went to achievement days in, the building i miss with people i missed! One man, Brother Edwards is really sick and probably won't live much longer and i gave him a big hug and i was so glad i got to see him! He is such a cool guy! former deputy sheriff of the town. I played a musical number in sacrament on the piano and even bore my testimony, which i really should do more often. I seriously LOVE my ward there! I think i am closer to the people there than i am in my ward now. You will never find a better ward than that one.
After church we took the dam tour. (of the dam) It was fun, but i wish the incline elevator would have been working. the weirdest part was that there people in our tour from orem!! it was crazy weird!

one mile long

then we went back to my grandparent's house for a BBQ

us in our bibs so we don't get stains. :D my grandma thinks of everything!

and then we went to the city festival thing and saw elvis. :D

what a hunk of burnin love. :P
and we also went to the visitor center there and played with some of the stuff there.

then finally the lazer light show started!!! it never gets old. i've seen this show so many times in my life and i still love it! it's an experience like none other!

Right after the show the fireworks started! It's not the biggest show ever but it is cool to see them off the off the top of the dam. :D


after that we walked home across the dreaded bridge of death and some drunk guys asked us to go with them and we said heck no. It was a really fun time. lauren fell asleep right when we got home.


i love my gparents!


this is my old house. look at the old key!!!


Funny Quotes of the day:
"ugh! i bought the cigarettes last time!"-lauren