Have you heard the saying you never fully get over your first love? I thought it was ridiculous.... That is until i experience it for myself. It didn't end because anything was necessarily wrong. at least in my point of view. He didn't have time and distance played a part.
I was doing pretty good at trying to get over it. Slowly. VERY slowly. Yesterday so many things reminded me of him. I didn't know why because i hadn't thought too hard about it in a good 2 weeks. and then, BOOM. Picture. of him and another girl. all huggy and cuddly. right before i went to bed. for real? Was it that easy for him to get over me? It's been less than a month. He said he loved me. did he really? Was it fake? Was he leading me on? It's not easy on me to get over this because i sincerely cared about him. and still do. And i think in a lot of ways i ALWAYS will. My heart broke all over again when i saw it.
I absolutely loved the feeling i had when things were going good. I've never experienced something so awesome and i never wanted it to go away. But is the feeling worth it when all he's good for now is a lot of heartache? I trusted him -which is a hard thing for me to do with guys because of past experiences. And he knew that. He knew. We talked about it. and it didn't change what happened. I just don't understand why I ever trusted him in the first place. or any guy for that matter when all i do is get hurt by it.
I know i'm only 18, but it was real to me. Boys are so dumb!
Is it really better to love and lost than it is to never have loved at all? I don't know. i'm still trying to figure it out. the way i feel now sucks. But i loved how i felt before.
How do you get over something like this? everyone keeps saying time. but it doesn't seem to be getting much better. :(
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Saturday, October 9, 2010
being smart in college is easy....
there are a few things i've noticed that are important to the survival and happiness of a college student. 1-free food. 2- public restrooms are the bom.com. 3-full microwavable meals. 4-free activities. 5-places that don't require a vehicle to get there.
the only time during the week that i ever spend money is on saturday (or friday night at midnight) to buy groceries. it's ridiculous! I hate that i have to spend money on things that won't last. so now, when i see a sign or a flyer, or a half eaten burger in the trash (okay i don't do this.... usually... :P) i take specific note and make sure to attend faithfully. ward activities are great for this. I think that free food is the only way that college kids go to any activity that sounds even remotely boring. If you there was a flyer that said, "come to the read out loud of my biochemistry book while there is opera music playing in the background" party people would go if you throw a "and there will be free food" at it in the flyer. free food=less meals preparing and buying. This is the first rule of college. Eat free food. Even if it tastes nasty. end of story.
public restrooms are no longer a disgust. They are actually quite heavenly. why? because it's less toilet paper that i have to buy for my apartment. do you realize how much toilet paper is consumed in an apartment of 5 girls??? I think tree huggers should be less worried about global warming and should start limiting the squares per day people can use. it would kill less trees in the end. Bare minimum of toilet paper per visit to the bathroom while at home is the rule. and maybe grab a handful of TP on your way out of the bathrooms on campus and save it for a home visit.
preparing good and healthy meals takes like 5 times longer to make than an 88 cent tv dinner. i know they are pasty things that are high in sodium and practically give you 8 diseases upon eating them but how am i supposed to party, socialize, watch movies, explore, or go on adventures... i mean do homework, study, and call home if i'm always cooking? yeah i'm not sure either. i'll have to invent a better way of cooking healthy yummy things. it'll make me a millionaire.
money doesn't grow on trees when your in college either. you don't realize how rich you are at a minimum wage job, living at home, eating your food provided by your parents, using their toilet paper until you don't have any job and are providing for yourself. This makes doing fun things difficult. there is no such thing as going to the movies anymore. i couldn't tell you what is playing at the theatre or the 3 dollar theatre, or even the one dollar theatre. if an activity says free and even has the title of "poetry and a beverage" (which i went to tonight cause it was free... i kid you not!) you go! because it gives you something to do besides tape hot guys up on your "hot guy wall" or draw for your dumb art classes.
not having a car is like being a pioneer without a handcart. i don't even know what's around the other side of town (anywhere beyond a 5 blocks radius of campus) because i sure as heck am not riding a bike around all these hills! the institute has this great thing called if there's an institute even off campus there are people that will shuttle you to and fro! other than that, activities on campus or extremely close are what i'm limited to. i like events on campus because of this.... and of course the bathrooms too. :D
it's amazing how much you learn to live without at college. things you've been used to growing up that you thought you could never live without are now a delicacy like chocolate, and icecream, and soft toilet paper, and having a car to get places. :D
anyways, it's really late... or early.... night ya'll!
the only time during the week that i ever spend money is on saturday (or friday night at midnight) to buy groceries. it's ridiculous! I hate that i have to spend money on things that won't last. so now, when i see a sign or a flyer, or a half eaten burger in the trash (okay i don't do this.... usually... :P) i take specific note and make sure to attend faithfully. ward activities are great for this. I think that free food is the only way that college kids go to any activity that sounds even remotely boring. If you there was a flyer that said, "come to the read out loud of my biochemistry book while there is opera music playing in the background" party people would go if you throw a "and there will be free food" at it in the flyer. free food=less meals preparing and buying. This is the first rule of college. Eat free food. Even if it tastes nasty. end of story.
public restrooms are no longer a disgust. They are actually quite heavenly. why? because it's less toilet paper that i have to buy for my apartment. do you realize how much toilet paper is consumed in an apartment of 5 girls??? I think tree huggers should be less worried about global warming and should start limiting the squares per day people can use. it would kill less trees in the end. Bare minimum of toilet paper per visit to the bathroom while at home is the rule. and maybe grab a handful of TP on your way out of the bathrooms on campus and save it for a home visit.
preparing good and healthy meals takes like 5 times longer to make than an 88 cent tv dinner. i know they are pasty things that are high in sodium and practically give you 8 diseases upon eating them but how am i supposed to party, socialize, watch movies, explore, or go on adventures... i mean do homework, study, and call home if i'm always cooking? yeah i'm not sure either. i'll have to invent a better way of cooking healthy yummy things. it'll make me a millionaire.
money doesn't grow on trees when your in college either. you don't realize how rich you are at a minimum wage job, living at home, eating your food provided by your parents, using their toilet paper until you don't have any job and are providing for yourself. This makes doing fun things difficult. there is no such thing as going to the movies anymore. i couldn't tell you what is playing at the theatre or the 3 dollar theatre, or even the one dollar theatre. if an activity says free and even has the title of "poetry and a beverage" (which i went to tonight cause it was free... i kid you not!) you go! because it gives you something to do besides tape hot guys up on your "hot guy wall" or draw for your dumb art classes.
not having a car is like being a pioneer without a handcart. i don't even know what's around the other side of town (anywhere beyond a 5 blocks radius of campus) because i sure as heck am not riding a bike around all these hills! the institute has this great thing called if there's an institute even off campus there are people that will shuttle you to and fro! other than that, activities on campus or extremely close are what i'm limited to. i like events on campus because of this.... and of course the bathrooms too. :D
it's amazing how much you learn to live without at college. things you've been used to growing up that you thought you could never live without are now a delicacy like chocolate, and icecream, and soft toilet paper, and having a car to get places. :D
anyways, it's really late... or early.... night ya'll!
Sunday, October 3, 2010
this one time.....
so in college i have a lot of "this one time" i...... you fill in the blank (cause i probably have done it).
college is full of doing things that are weird events....or random things.....or even dumb things....or just plain firsts.
in honor of this i will now blog about a few.....
so this one time.... betsy and i went grocery shopping at 11:30 at night. and we also had to walk across a wood plank that could have easily broken under our weight sailing us into the dreaded canal. (which was probably only 4-4.25 inches deep) i'm not kidding you! This is NOT a joke. We could have walked around the canal, but it would have taken at least 3 minutes longer to do. And when you are carrying groceries (including a gigantic gallon of COLD milk) 3 minutes seems like half an eternity. but luckily we have really good balance and didn't fall into the nasty slimy canal.
also
this one time..... we didn't fall through the ceiling while trying to get into the attic.... 'nuff said.
this one time..... we beat the socks off of BYU!!!!!! (which is a first in 17 years!!!!!) and we rushed the field and partied like it was 1999. (by going grocery shopping cause no one showed up to the after game party... which i still don't understand why)
this one time...... i made a birthday cake in the shape of lips. why you may ask? i'll answer with a question to you- WHY NOT?!
also this one time i FINALLY got to go home for conference! And i found several things- 1 that Quinton has seriously grown up! like he's gotten at least 2 inches taller and his shoulders are getting so dang broad! gee whiz it's weird how much he's changed in only 5 or so weeks. 2- mom's still a fantastic cook. i enjoyed really good home-cooked meals that probably made me gain back 2 of the 10 ish pounds i've lost since starting school. But it was worth it. And i even ate veggies (which are a non existent thing in most of my meals. 3-that i sincerely missed being at home and laughing at old memories until my sides hurt, playing BS with the fam, my grumpy dog, shopping with my sisters, and just my house. (even though my room has emilie's stamp on it now. :(
this one time i did what i know to be the right thing. and it was absolutely ridiculously hard. And i cried and probably had swollen, blud-shot eyes for 2 days straight. I think if i would have known how hard it would be before i did it, i wouldn't have done it. So it's good i didn't know because i got the reassurance that i needed during Lawrence's conference talk. But it doesn't make it any easier.... well, at least not that much easier.
this one time i made some mean jumbalaya!! and everyone thought it tasted good. :D cause it did. And i savored it (actually it was gone in like 5 minutes) but still...
these one times i had the weirdest conversations abut things that i never ever needed to know.
anyways, that's some of college. I really enjoy my sleep, TV dinners, conversations with people from home, and have learned even more about trusting the spirit and relying on prayer and knowing even more that the gospel is true and that missions are of utmost importance especially to young men.
it's now past my bed time (okay it's actually before i usually go to bed, but it would be a good thing to get to bed before midnight occasionally right?...)
college is full of doing things that are weird events....or random things.....or even dumb things....or just plain firsts.
in honor of this i will now blog about a few.....
so this one time.... betsy and i went grocery shopping at 11:30 at night. and we also had to walk across a wood plank that could have easily broken under our weight sailing us into the dreaded canal. (which was probably only 4-4.25 inches deep) i'm not kidding you! This is NOT a joke. We could have walked around the canal, but it would have taken at least 3 minutes longer to do. And when you are carrying groceries (including a gigantic gallon of COLD milk) 3 minutes seems like half an eternity. but luckily we have really good balance and didn't fall into the nasty slimy canal.
also
this one time..... we didn't fall through the ceiling while trying to get into the attic.... 'nuff said.
this one time..... we beat the socks off of BYU!!!!!! (which is a first in 17 years!!!!!) and we rushed the field and partied like it was 1999. (by going grocery shopping cause no one showed up to the after game party... which i still don't understand why)
this one time...... i made a birthday cake in the shape of lips. why you may ask? i'll answer with a question to you- WHY NOT?!
also this one time i FINALLY got to go home for conference! And i found several things- 1 that Quinton has seriously grown up! like he's gotten at least 2 inches taller and his shoulders are getting so dang broad! gee whiz it's weird how much he's changed in only 5 or so weeks. 2- mom's still a fantastic cook. i enjoyed really good home-cooked meals that probably made me gain back 2 of the 10 ish pounds i've lost since starting school. But it was worth it. And i even ate veggies (which are a non existent thing in most of my meals. 3-that i sincerely missed being at home and laughing at old memories until my sides hurt, playing BS with the fam, my grumpy dog, shopping with my sisters, and just my house. (even though my room has emilie's stamp on it now. :(
this one time i did what i know to be the right thing. and it was absolutely ridiculously hard. And i cried and probably had swollen, blud-shot eyes for 2 days straight. I think if i would have known how hard it would be before i did it, i wouldn't have done it. So it's good i didn't know because i got the reassurance that i needed during Lawrence's conference talk. But it doesn't make it any easier.... well, at least not that much easier.
this one time i made some mean jumbalaya!! and everyone thought it tasted good. :D cause it did. And i savored it (actually it was gone in like 5 minutes) but still...
these one times i had the weirdest conversations abut things that i never ever needed to know.
anyways, that's some of college. I really enjoy my sleep, TV dinners, conversations with people from home, and have learned even more about trusting the spirit and relying on prayer and knowing even more that the gospel is true and that missions are of utmost importance especially to young men.
it's now past my bed time (okay it's actually before i usually go to bed, but it would be a good thing to get to bed before midnight occasionally right?...)
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